Search Me!

These last several months, I have taken some time away from posting.  However, I have been providing a weekly post to A Pinch of Faith called Teen Talk Tuesday and you’ll see parts of those posts here, but follow the link to read all of them.  Amanda has alot of really good posts as well.

Sometimes, we need to step back and take stock of our lives, of our thoughts, of our actions.  That’s been me.  No, it’s not fun, it usually is painful when God brings you to the truth, but in a loving way.

Maybe you’re in that time, or maybe you need to take that time.  We are so busy in today’s society with home, children, church, activities, planning meals and time with .  It can actually be a stress-creeper.

search me

My husband was cleaning out a closet.  We had one of the girls at our home for an overnight stay.  Roadrunner (husband) was pulling things out of the closet that’s been there for quite awhile.  We had bought a big pot and pan set about 10 years ago, half of it is still in the closet.  She helped me pull those dusty things out.

She says “How come you let stuff stay in there so long? Do you even know what you have?”

That makes me think, it also makes me a little embarrassed.  We tend to do that, don’t we?  We put stuff here, we put stuff there and when it’s out of sight, we forget we have it.

I’m wondering if we haven’t forgotten a stash of money somewhere!

Anyway, this process also has made me think about the stuff we keep for a long time in our hearts, things that hurt.

Do we even know if we have forgiven everything that everyone has done to us?  More importantly, have we forgiven ourselves?

That’s what I’ve been doing.  Someone looked me in the eyes one day while we were talking.  She said “I know you love Jesus with all of our heart, but there’s still a tiny drop of unforgiveness.  Do you know who you need to forgive?”

Immediately, I knew!  Why had I not thought of it before?  I thought I had dealt with all things.  God had given this lovely lady the gift of discernment, and it was expressed in my life.

Search me!  I know that God has been trying to get me to do this for a very long time, but I ignored it.

Who did I need to forgive? My father for when I was a child …. and myself.  Why myself?  Because I have hurt many people in the past with the enormous anger I carried from a child.  I hurt them by the words I would say! I  thought that if it was in my mind, then it needed to be said.  Every time I would say something hurtful (in my mind, I thought being truthful was good), I saw the hurt in their eyes and a piece of my heart was torn.

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.” Psalm 138:1

Are there people you need to forgive?  What about yourself? We don’t think about ourselves alot when it comes to forgiveness.  It is crucial. God knows everything about us!

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, test me … point it out.  We have to give God permission to do that.  Of course, it made me sad to think about my father, and also to think about everyone I had hurt, but I had to walk it out.  I had to make sure that I forgave.

How have you handled forgiving yourself?  Can you pinpoint something?  Do you have a friend that God has gifted to see inside your heart? It can be scary when you have a friend like that … reading her mail … but it is something that is highly important in our walk with God.

Have you forgiven everyone who has offended you or your loved ones?  Are you sure?  I encourage you to pray over these scriptures and ask God.

Maybe there’s someone … like me, I thought I had done all of my forgiving … unfortunately, no.  What time I wasted, I was still held back by some baggage.

I am thankful that God is abundantly merciful and each of us are the apple of his eye.  We are loved! We are cherished!  Not because of us, but because of God, because of our Redeemer Jesus, because of God’s Spirit, our Counselor and Guide!

Redeemer … bought back once and for all from slavery. That’s what Jesus did.

I don’t want anything that could possibly enslave me, enslave my mind or heart.  I want to be free.

So, yes, God search me!!! Every moment of every day!

What have been your struggles with forgiveness?  Has God brought to your heart some things that need to be taken care of?

Let me know, I’d love to hear from you so I can pray for you.

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